worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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