I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Boobs speak an international language.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
