my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
