Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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