Plan B is the new Plan A
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
