and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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