So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
