was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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