I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
