Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
