I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
