We won't sleep together?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
