Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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