he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
