mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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