Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
