I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
