Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
