Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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