haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
