WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
