its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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