That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
My ATM looks so different sober.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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