i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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