piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize