her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
