you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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