If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
