i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
