I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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