so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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