I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
