I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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