She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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