it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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