take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
