I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Be still, my beating vagina.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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