Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
