from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
