i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
What drink are we having for lunch?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
