So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
