Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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