He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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