'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
