Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
