Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
