I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
