So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
