I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
