Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
