I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Is it penis luge time yet?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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