Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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