if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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