who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
