Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize