There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
We are two peas in an std pod
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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