Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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