Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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