so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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