He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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