Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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