I got chris browned last night
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
