I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
