I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
