didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
