I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize