I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
