Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
