my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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