can u get pink eye on your cock?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize