...so i touched it.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Your shirt... Was in my pants
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
