You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
