based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
