The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
