Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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Sorry _nessa_ hasn't picked any favorites yet.

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(712): View more from Iowa

Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.

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(925): View more from California

She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.

Fav 12 1529 5070
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(816): View more from Missouri

Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.

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(386): View more from Florida

Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.

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(631): View more from New York

She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.

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(714): View more from California

She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.

Fav 4 1899 869
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(847): View more from Illinois

Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.

Fav 5 417 723
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(561): View more from Florida

Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold

(561): View more from Florida

Either that or it dispenses candy

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