I wish I could punch you in the face.
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
