i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
