At least make sure they are 18
Why
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
