Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
