hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Randomize
