Apparently you make a good broom.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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