Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
