im six kinds of drunk right now
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
