they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
